Re: Critique thread: For finished characters!

[Todd Ingram]

Don't get me wrong, Watson's a good character. It's just that his recipe could be tooled a bit to fit his personality better. The relief/logos swap you mentioned in your previous post would probably do him some good.

[sournote103]

Don't get me wrong, Watson's a good character. It's just that his recipe could be tooled a bit to fit his personality better. The relief/logos swap you mentioned in your previous post would probably do him some good.

I will definitely do that later. Thank you for your help!

[Unclever title]

Webster's page has been updated with more information. In fact it made more sense to separate the bulk of his backstory out of his Personality/Interests section so I added a Background section.

A Venture Capitalist Koopa. In itself, that's pretty impressive.

More specifically, I really like his design as well as his recipe. I feel like his profile could go a little more detailed in describing his personality as opposed to his backstory (maybe a little more on how his Ardent and Sanguine factors into him besides his background as a gamblin' man/turtle). But what's there is very good, and it can only get better.

Thanks! I've had the idea for a Business Bro ever since I saw them on the species list of the Mario Wiki. The image of a koopa throwing staplers and paperweights at his foes was too funny for my brain not to imagine it!

For Webster's humor profile I was mostly looking through the pages on the humors looking at the positive and negative traits trying to decide what would work together to create a character prone to behavioral addiction. Ardent provides passion and zeal helping to add in that rush when risks bring back rewards and Sanguine worked well for giving the courage to take those risks. Add in a dash of logos for obsession and a hat full of shine for an optimistic attitude and dangerous gullibility and you end up with someone who's negative traits can make him a real danger to himself and others.

As I was typing this out I realized his love of money was really more arbitrary and circumstantial than anything else so really it gives him the possibility to completely turn his life around if he could ever focus himself on something, or rather somebody, worthwhile. So he kind of turned out to be romantic comedy fuel. And I have no problems with that.

[Purple Walrus]

So I know I posted these in the last workshop thread , but it's a new forum so why not.

Feebie

Disco Head

Let me know what you guys think.

[BigBurkhart]

Spoiler:

I made this guy 9 months ago and never bothered to do much with him. I have a small backstory, but nothing in the way of humors. I want to make more creepy Shy Guys.

[Harvest Ty]

You should probably move him over to the other thread since his humor profile isn't even finishdd. :'o

[BigBurkhart]

I'm not GOING to finish it. That's the point. He's intentionally left a mystery.

I'm more or less asking people what their initial impressions are of him.

[Harvest Ty]

Ah okay sorry I guess I just misinterpreted the post. >->"

[Shailsnic]

I'm not GOING to finish it. That's the point. He's intentionally left a mystery.

I'm more or less asking people what their initial impressions are of him.

Ah, alright, my bad dude. Sorry for berating ya in the livestream by the way. It was a mistake on my part.

My initial expression of him is that of a guy who runs around, causes mischief, intentionally ruins things while other people can't see, and he loves every bit of it.

[Todd Ingram]

The one thing that gets me is that the mask is the only thing that you changed. Everything else is still just normal Shy Guy colors.

I think it could be interesting, but feel free to take more liberties with the design.

[arcaneScribbler]

...Can Pudini hire him for his theme park? No, seriously, this Shy Guy with the pumpkin mask looks like it would be a great uniform for Shy Guys in a sppoky theme park. ^.^;

[BigBurkhart]

...Can Pudini hire him for his theme park? No, seriously, this Shy Guy with the pumpkin mask looks like it would be a great uniform for Shy Guys in a sppoky theme park. ^.^;

Phanto mask, and while it might be possible, it might not be a good idea if patrons start mysteriously disappearing.

Looking back, I think I found a way to compromise. I don't want to give away too much, but not giving any information is indeed kinda dickish. I'll be back later with something.

[arcaneScribbler]

...Can Pudini hire him for his theme park? No, seriously, this Shy Guy with the pumpkin mask looks like it would be a great uniform for Shy Guys in a sppoky theme park. ^.^;

Phanto mask, and while it might be possible, it might not be a good idea if patrons start mysteriously disappearing.

Looking back, I think I found a way to compromise. I don't want to give away too much, but not giving any information is indeed kinda dickish. I'll be back later with something.

....What's a Phanto Mask?

[gloomyMoron]

....What's a Phanto Mask?

Phanto are enemies form Doki Doki Panic... I mean, Super Mario Bros 2. (USA) >.>

[arcaneScribbler]

...Ohhhh.

[turtleOracle]

They really love keys.

Don't steal em.

Don't.

Just.

Don't

[arcaneScribbler]

...What if there was a Phanto who hated keys?

[BigBurkhart]

...What if there was a Phanto who hated keys?

They probably all hate keys. It's what tethers them to this world, keeping them imprisoned as guardians. The only thing that they hate more than keys are intruders that try to steal the keys away.

...Just a little speculation, though.

[awfulAlliteration]

I mentioned this guy in the Workshop Thread a while back.

Spoiler:

He's a Shayde businessman named Sham. He's the kind of dude who hangs out in back alleys and sells watches to unsuspecting folks. I'm working on a backstory right now, but I want to know what everyone thinks of him right now?

EDIT: I GUESS I SHOULD ELABORATE ON HIS HUMOR PROFILE HA HA HA

35% Insight

+ Confidence
+ Ambition
- Tactless

35% Logos

+ Intelligence
+ Fast-thinking
- Obsessive
- Arrogant

20% Turnabout

+ Quirky
- Kind of sleazy

10% Vision

+ Creativity
- Tunnel vision

[CrimsonMage]

Personally, I really like the fact that the Humors extend outside of his outline. It really gives him a "spectral" feel to him. Other than that I have no idea.

[awfulAlliteration]

Personally, I really like the fact that the Humors extend outside of his outline. It really gives him a "spectral" feel to him. Other than that I have no idea.

That was a design choice I had some trouble with. A Shayde's body parts seem to float apart from each other, but if I'd only filled them in, he'd look like he had a very small amount of Humors in him. I decide on the more "spectral" look to better illustrate his Humor balance.

[BigBurkhart]

Ok, I think I found a good way to get the personality across. Instead of a humor profile, have a short story. trueBug is gonna wring my neck for not following her advice. ._.

Here's the story.

And here's the photo in the file:

[truebug]

You really should pick one tense and stick with it. That's pretty much a rule of prose. Go with present OR future -- don't mix them up, man.

Wouldn't this also be better suited for the fan works thread, if it's not a character profile? I'm not getting any personality from it -- just further affirmation that the phanto guy is spooky and mysterious.

[BigBurkhart]

Yeah. That's kinda the problem I'm having.

It's hard to preserve mystery in a character profile. Plus, I write in the past tense so much that sometimes I do it when I'm intending to write in present tense without even realizing it. Ugh.

[Todd Ingram]

Well, then this thread probably isn't the best place to showcase this character.

While he is "finished", per se, if he's going to remain a mystery than there's not much we can do for you here. I agree that taking the story to Fan Works can result in some better critique for that, at least.

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