Critique thread: For finished characters!

[Todd Ingram]

Here is the thread where you will get constructive criticism on characters with completed profiles! You can use the information you recieve here to edit or otherwise change your character's profile, or you can politely ignore it!

TIPS: (to be edited)

FOR CRITIQUERS: Be constructive!
Telling a person their character is only "good" or "bad" does not help them! It just tells them what you think, and it doesn't do it very well, either. Try to find a few good things and a few things that could use work about each character, and give your reasoning for each. A character writer once described critique to me as "a sandwich, with compliment bread." Even if you think something is glaringly wrong with a character, look for redeeming traits that will let the smither know what they're doing right!

FOR CHARACTER MAKERS: Be patient and polite!

If a person has taken the time to give good, constructive criticism on your character, they deserve a little respect! Thank them for their input, and, if you disagree with them or wish to expound on something that will help the critiquer better understand your character, do so with manners. Bluntly disagreeing with criticism negates the idea of criticism to begin with. If you're posting a character here, you have to be prepared to take some well-worded flak.

I'll start off by asking for some criticism on my Yoshi, Tungsten (you'll have to look him up on the wiki, given how I can't post links yet). He's one of my most favorite characters that I've smithed, and while he's been through some editing cycles, there's always room for improvement. I will also offer critique for those who have anything to say about him.

[Harvest Ty]

Wow, you've really thought out his Character. I like how he's not necessarily evil, but just a misunderstood scientist who fell due to the likes of his brother.

He's definately a dynamic character and I'd be interested to see what happens to him as time passes. I don't have anything to say critique wise at the moment though.

I have an idea for a character...

ChinaBlosque(or Chi)
Pile Driver Micro-Goomba(With a coon tail)

~S Grade Vision 10% (Note Capsule)
+Focus
+Creativity

~B Grade Concord 40%
+Intuition
+Perception
-Depression
-Anxiety

~A Grade Relief 35%
+Sincerity
+Generosity
-Naivete

~A Grade Blithe 15%

+Playfulness
-Bluntness

I've been trying to get a more mother-like character figure here who genuinely cares about others but often fails to take care of herself.

Chi came from a large Goomba family in the Dry Desert, she was born mute at birth. Her father was fired from his job as a desert guard, leaving her mom and her to pull the money in for there large Goomba family.

Any thoughts on where to take this?

[Todd Ingram]

I think this might be better in the workshop thread as opposed to finished characters. That way we can get it closer to a finished profile!

[Harvest Ty]

X'D I wasn't sure where to post this...

Edit:If someone has the time, could they repost this to the workshop thread?

[Todd Ingram]

It is in the workshop thread!


Also, I have finished the profile for my Lil Cinder character, Cindy!
She can be found a click away here, on the wiki.

[Unclever title]

I think you've made a fantastic character! And I love the name. As a scientific Yoshi he strikes me as one of a kind

His story feels like it could fit right in with a paper mario game. He hits me as a minor villain such as a foe who might make for the boss of a chapter (I'm imagining him in a giant robot suit. Delivering a thesis in PAIN!) or as one of a major villain's subordinates, working for the big bad so that he can more effectively carry out his own plot for revenge.
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I hereby officially open Webster the Business Bro for critiquing. I did nearly all of his design in less than a day in a rush of inspiration so I'm sure there are things I can improve or tweak on him.

[Todd Ingram]

A Venture Capitalist Koopa. In itself, that's pretty impressive.

More specifically, I really like his design as well as his recipe. I feel like his profile could go a little more detailed in describing his personality as opposed to his backstory (maybe a little more on how his Ardent and Sanguine factors into him besides his background as a gamblin' man/turtle). But what's there is very good, and it can only get better.

Thanks for the kind words about Tungsten! I tossed the idea around in my head of him being a recurring villain in some PM game, and then provding the main characters with a ride to Mendeleeville when the next Star Whatever was hidden there, in exchange for them sneaking him in and allowing him to get his revenge.

[gloomyMoron]

So, Mr. Jeevious is up on the wiki. Any thoughts or comments are welcome.

[Todd Ingram]

Most of what I said earlier applies. Each part of his recipe applies pretty well to his personality, and I like his tricksteriness.

More specifically, I like how you used the grades and percentages in union to apply the humors to his personality. You balanced the grade with the number of negatives and positives for each humor, while the percentage of the humor accurately portrayed how much those attributes impact him directly. His backstory is a little lacking, but characters for this universe, granted, don't really need a lot of backstory. If you want to add some more detail just to spice it up a bit in terms of history, it might work. On it's own, it's a good character, though.

[sournote103]

So I made a character as kind of a marioverse version of myself:

Image

Spoiler:

Humor makeup

Spoiler:

So clearly Watson is not any of the normal Marioverse species. But it's the Marioverse so probably everything exists somewhere.
Backstory coming soon.

[Shailsnic]

I don't care if it doesn't exist sournote, it is adorable and it is now a thing in my eyes.

[gloomyMoron]

So clearly Watson is not any of the normal Marioverse species. But it's the Marioverse so probably everything exists somewhere.
Backstory coming soon.

Greaser isn't a Mario-verse species (that I know of?), so you don't necessarily need to make something that is Mario-verse. However, I think that only really applies to Shopkeepers and Soul-smiths, rather than characters within the world. But who knows? I'm just guessing.

[sournote103]

However, I think that only really applies to Shopkeepers and Soul-smiths, rather than characters within the world. But who knows? I'm just guessing.

Well Watson's going to be on the plane of the Soulsmiths anyway, so that work out.

[Captain Combusken]

Hey, I got some characters to show you.

Spoiler:

I'll add their backgrounds and more detailed personalities later, I just wanted to get opinions on their look and their humors. I guess I posted it here because I consider them complete.

[Todd Ingram]

For Watson and Combusken's characters, they should probably be moved to the workshop thread. "Finished characters" means characters that already have a profile written, usually on the wiki. I can offer better criticism in the workshop.


The art is fantastic, though. Both of you.

[sournote103]

For Watson and Combusken's characters, they should probably be moved to the workshop thread. "Finished characters" means characters that already have a profile written, usually on the wiki. I can offer better criticism in the workshop.


The art is fantastic, though. Both of you.

Watson is done; I just need to write up his backstory.

[Todd Ingram]

Along with a backstory, finished profiles tend to include a paragraph or so that fills the gaps of the humor recipe, so to speak. It merely puts into words what the recipe implies, giving a brief description of their personality in layman's terms.

I did this for each of my Portabella Outpost characters (Sheldon, for example). While it does have backstory, it also has personality.

[CrimsonMage]

While I asked for this at the MSPA forums, I'd like others here to see it. I'd like a review on my character Dusk. Anything I can improve upon or change?

[sournote103]

I finished writing stuff up for Watson and gave him a wiki page.

[Eversor]

While I asked for this at the MSPA forums, I'd like others here to see it. I'd like a review on my character Dusk. Anything I can improve upon or change?

Well from what I see, there is a couple of things that have room for improvement. The Hood itself, is lopsided, maybe you are trying to show the nature of the fabric, but it is distracting to the figure itself, Perhaps add some symmetry to the hood or make the fabric more distinctive and sharp in its folds. Also the clothes under the robe don't read well. Its snaking and looping downwards, it looks as through hes wearing a robe under his robe but even then it still is a strange bit of fabric. Lastly his feet are crammed into the space under his cloak. It reads flat and smushed to the left, perhaps let the feet pop out of the cloak.

[CrimsonMage]

I was talking about the profile... But thank you anyways!

I know my art is nowhere as near as good as it could be, but now that I look at the picture, I see it needs a lot of work. I'll work on that.

[Todd Ingram]

@sournote: Okay, first off, Watson is ADORABLE. I feel like that has to be said.

His backstory does asssume a little bit on how humors work and function. It does make for a nice story, but it veers on the edge of assuming something that hasn't really been confirmed. Also, while his personality does a good job of putting his helpings of Sublime and Vision into words, his Logos and Relief seem a little bit underepresented. Logos seems to be his dominant humor; while I can see a little obsession, where does his deduction and memory come in?

[sournote103]

@sournote: Okay, first off, Watson is ADORABLE. I feel like that has to be said.

His backstory does asssume a little bit on how humors work and function. It does make for a nice story, but it veers on the edge of assuming something that hasn't really been confirmed. Also, while his personality does a good job of putting his helpings of Sublime and Vision into words, his Logos and Relief seem a little bit underepresented. Logos seems to be his dominant humor; while I can see a little obsession, where does his deduction and memory come in?

Valid criticisms. I will address these.

His backstory does asssume a little bit on how humors work and function. It does make for a nice story, but it veers on the edge of assuming something that hasn't really been confirmed.

I make weird characters in absolutely everything involving creating characters. This is a talent/foible of mine. This is not going to stop any time soon, nor is it going to be fixed. I know it should be, but realistically it won't.

Also, while his personality does a good job of putting his helpings of Sublime and Vision into words, his Logos and Relief seem a little bit underepresented. Logos seems to be his dominant humor; while I can see a little obsession, where does his deduction and memory come in?

That's just sort of based on what I've written, and I am not the best of writers.
Watson's personality is based directly on my perceptions of my own. I used Logos as the dominant humor because (and there is no way to say this that does not sound terrible and I apologize in advance) I am pretty freaking smart. Like full scholarship to college based purely on academic merit rather than need or athletics smart. Pretty much straight-A's without studying smart. Plus I have memorized pretty much every D&D 4e sourcebook. I feel like I'm justified there.
Granted, Watson is not me, and I can thus play with the humor levels some.
Maybe I'll drop Logos to 30% and pull Relief up to 20%.

[Todd Ingram]

While the assumptions of humors are a little out there, it's not as gut-wincingly bad as it could have been, so you get props for that.

Logos doesn't necessarily imply intelligence. It can imply a willingness to learn and an ability to retain information, but only experience really determines intelligence, not personality. Logos implies order and memory, both things that often result in intelligence. You could have a less-than-smart character with a heaping helping of Logos because he's obsessed with a favorite TV show of his and can name any random tidbit of trivia about it that fits a given situation. He nitpicks each episode, berating the creators for any minor continuity issue he may find. He might also have a disdain for less-obsessed fans of the series because they don't "enjoy it on the same level as he does. Right there you have Memory, Order, Obsession, and Superiority Complex, without anything having to do with intelligence.

[sournote103]

While the assumptions of humors are a little out there, it's not as gut-wincingly bad as it could have been, so you get props for that.

Logos doesn't necessarily imply intelligence. It can imply a willingness to learn and an ability to retain information, but only experience really determines intelligence, not personality. Logos implies order and memory, both things that often result in intelligence. You could have a less-than-smart character with a heaping helping of Logos because he's obsessed with a favorite TV show of his and can name any random tidbit of trivia about it that fits a given situation. He nitpicks each episode, berating the creators for any minor continuity issue he may find. He might also have a disdain for less-obsessed fans of the series because they don't "enjoy it on the same level as he does. Right there you have Memory, Order, Obsession, and Superiority Complex, without anything having to do with intelligence.

Glad I'm not causing your viscera to recoil!
But the whole thing you described about an unintelligent character with Logos is totally a thing I do, minus the disdain for less-obsessed people.
It is a thing I do a lot.
Mostly with Homestuck. Sometimes with Doctor Who.

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